How to deal with secret and unrequited love
Hey guys so i ask you all to send in something you wanted to share to the world so here is one email i got from a reader who likes to write i hope this article is helpful to someone out there
Okay we've all been in that moment when we secretly like someone and deep down inside we know that they don't like us back so here is a step by step tutorial on how to deal with those kinds of situations.
Step one:
Acceptance
The first step to solving a problem is identifying it so you just have to accept that you like this person and he/she does not like you back. You can't keep telling yourself "oh he/she might wake up one morning and like me back" when you know that it's not going to happen. Especially in cases where the person likes someone else or is already in a relationship. It's time for you to stop lying to yourself and just say "hey this person just doesn't like me."
Step two:
Keeping it together
After accepting that the feelings might never be returned you might feel a little sore and desperate. That's when the crazy idea comes into your head. "What if I tell him/her about how I feel?" Don't Don't Don't! Do not under any circumstances tell them how you feel. This is because you think that if you tell them how you feel it might make them like you but that does not work. Even if it does work, then those feelings have been manufactured. It's not really real if someone starts liking you only after you tell them you like them now is it? Also you shouldn't tell them because if you guys are friends and you tell them how you feel and they're just not interested, your friendship will be ruined due to all the awkwardness. This is bad because once the friendship is gone you'll have zero contact with your crush which is way worse than your current situation. So please, don't lose it and tell them because It doesn't always end well.
Step three:
Closure
You might think that if you can't tell your crush about your feelings then you should try to avoid him/her but running away from your problem just makes it bigger. The solution is to spend time with that person. Gain closure. That way your friendship grows stronger and the crush grows weaker. It might sound silly but it's true. When you like someone you're usually too blinded by your feelings to notice how annoying they can get or their disgusting eating habits. When you spend time with the person though, you'll learn a lot about them which includes the good stuff and the bad stuff. With this balanced knowledge it'll be easier for you to get over the person and months later you can both laugh over the fact that you used to like him/her.
Step four:
Moving on
It might be really hard and it might take a while but eventually you'll be able to move on. Crushes come as easily as they go so it might seem impossible right now but it'll happen. It'll happen gradually and you might not even know when it does but one day you'll realise that you don't feel that way anymore. This doesn't mean that things will become perfect. It just means that they will be so much better.
Step five:
Be you
After getting over your crush you might feel so alone like "when will someone ever like me back" even if someone has actually liked you back. (Its what unreciprocated feelings do to the self esteem) it might make you want to change things about yourself so that you seem more attractive to potential crushers. Try not to feel this way though. You are best when you are yourself and everyone is special in their own way. It might not seem like it sometimes but there is someone out there for you. Just be who you are and it'll happen.
I hope my little tutorial has helped you guys trying to deal with issues like this. Just hang in there because things get better. Eventually they do.
-Anonymous.
Step one:
Acceptance
The first step to solving a problem is identifying it so you just have to accept that you like this person and he/she does not like you back. You can't keep telling yourself "oh he/she might wake up one morning and like me back" when you know that it's not going to happen. Especially in cases where the person likes someone else or is already in a relationship. It's time for you to stop lying to yourself and just say "hey this person just doesn't like me."
Step two:
Keeping it together
After accepting that the feelings might never be returned you might feel a little sore and desperate. That's when the crazy idea comes into your head. "What if I tell him/her about how I feel?" Don't Don't Don't! Do not under any circumstances tell them how you feel. This is because you think that if you tell them how you feel it might make them like you but that does not work. Even if it does work, then those feelings have been manufactured. It's not really real if someone starts liking you only after you tell them you like them now is it? Also you shouldn't tell them because if you guys are friends and you tell them how you feel and they're just not interested, your friendship will be ruined due to all the awkwardness. This is bad because once the friendship is gone you'll have zero contact with your crush which is way worse than your current situation. So please, don't lose it and tell them because It doesn't always end well.
Step three:
Closure
You might think that if you can't tell your crush about your feelings then you should try to avoid him/her but running away from your problem just makes it bigger. The solution is to spend time with that person. Gain closure. That way your friendship grows stronger and the crush grows weaker. It might sound silly but it's true. When you like someone you're usually too blinded by your feelings to notice how annoying they can get or their disgusting eating habits. When you spend time with the person though, you'll learn a lot about them which includes the good stuff and the bad stuff. With this balanced knowledge it'll be easier for you to get over the person and months later you can both laugh over the fact that you used to like him/her.
Step four:
Moving on
It might be really hard and it might take a while but eventually you'll be able to move on. Crushes come as easily as they go so it might seem impossible right now but it'll happen. It'll happen gradually and you might not even know when it does but one day you'll realise that you don't feel that way anymore. This doesn't mean that things will become perfect. It just means that they will be so much better.
Step five:
Be you
After getting over your crush you might feel so alone like "when will someone ever like me back" even if someone has actually liked you back. (Its what unreciprocated feelings do to the self esteem) it might make you want to change things about yourself so that you seem more attractive to potential crushers. Try not to feel this way though. You are best when you are yourself and everyone is special in their own way. It might not seem like it sometimes but there is someone out there for you. Just be who you are and it'll happen.
I hope my little tutorial has helped you guys trying to deal with issues like this. Just hang in there because things get better. Eventually they do.
-Anonymous.
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